Unloved
by Maneishy
Summary: Another depressed and suicidal Sam story. Pre-series and non-graphical suicide warning.
1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

Sam was a good boy.

Well, in the normal, non-hunting world he was.  
If he had grown up within a normal environment- no fire, no dead Mary, no monsters, no constant moving- Sam Winchester would have been considered the pride and joy of his family.  
Instead, what Sam got for his efforts in studying, sports, and being, in overall, a star young man, was disappointment.

It wasn't a secret in the Winchester family that John hated, absolutely despised, his son's attempts at being normal. How many times had the man wished for Sam to be a little bit more like Dean? Seemingly uncaring for school, outsider friends, and the apple pie life that Sam painfully yearned for. John's eldest son preferred the brutality, the pure thrill that the hunt offered. Each hunt a step closer to finding the son of a bitch that took Mary away from both of the older Winchesters.  
In other words, Dean was perfect.

Now, don't go thinking that John didn't love his boys. Any damn person on this not-so-fine Earth could see the love he held for the both of them. When it came to loving his boys, John Winchester was on top of his game.

He just wasn't a good father.

John loved like any good dad should, but acted like a sergeant. He only demonstrated his affection when he was pleased with the results his sons' brought forth.  
With Dean, that much wasn't difficult to achieve.

With Sam, though...Well, Sam was another story.

That's how the little family developed. Years after years, Dean would constantly seek and earn his father's approval.

And while Sam had attempted to please John for a short time, the process of being a mindless soldier exhausted him, went against his very nature. So Sam never sought John's affection, and therefore, never received it.  
And while his brother grew up happy and strong, Sam grew up dark and mainly weak.  
The poor boy's person became enclosed and sad, withdrawn from the company of his peers- since he was never around long enough to get to know them- and he became an outcast within his own family, the only people he had any sort of stable contact with.

In another life, Sam would have been the flower child. The prized member of his family and community. But in this life, where his efforts were all for waste, Sam was nothing but a sore spot in John's mind.

And Sam Winchester knew that fact like the back of his hand.

* * *

 **Well guys, it seems I've been feeling a bit inspired lately posting all these new stories and updates.**

 **I realize though that my stories seem a bit repetitive in nature. Don't get me wrong, personally I love the depressed themes and all that jazz that's in them, but... I'm getting slightly bored.**

 **So, my point is, does anyone have a request or ideas I could use to write with? Don't be afraid to send a message or put it in the review section. Whatever your mind comes up with has value in it.**

 **Anyways, I will post the second and last part of this story as soon as possible. Just a heads up, as always, this story won't end happily.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

Dean loved his family. He really, really loved his family.

He loved and admired his father.

He loved and cared for his baby brother.

For Dean Winchester, life was good.

Sure, he sometimes felt like his dad could be a bit harsh with both of his sons, but he knew he was like that for a good reason. It also helped that Dean could instantly bring a twinge of a smile, or a start of a laugh to his father's features every once in a while. And every once in a while, Dean would be able to get John to verbally show affection to him by following his father's instructions to the T.

In short, Dean was a happy son.

In fact, he was such a happy son that it took him too long to figure out that Sam wasn't.

It took Dean Too. Fucking. Long.

By the time he realized that John's constant approval of Dean hurt Sam.

Not because Sam was jealous of Dean being loved. No, Dean knew such a thought would never enter his little brother's mind.

But because Sam was lonely. Because Sam felt he was unloved.

And by the time that Dean came to that conclusion, Sam was already beyond repair.

And Dean tried. Oh how he tried.

He would constantly hug his brother, ruffle his hair, even going as far as canceling all his dates and staying in their motel rooms, verbally assuring Sam that his big brother loved him.

Dean gave it his all. But it didn't work.

The concept of being unloved was so etched into Sam's mind that it was like a phantom itch; there and present, but impossible to alleviate.

So Dean watched as Sam would spot a family. Examine the seemingly perfect interaction between the parents and the children, and then allow one or two tears to slip down his face.

Sam's pain eventually got to the point that even John noticed.

'What's wrong with him?' The man had asked his eldest, not really registering the surprised look he got from Dean at the question.

'Sam is...Sam's sad. Been for a little while.' He managed to choke out.

'Really? About what?'

'A bunch of things, I guess.' Dean responded, telling himself that he was keeping his answers ambiguous so John would not feel ashamed of his parenting skills, when in reality, he didn't want to openly admit his failure as an older brother.

'Huh. Well, time will fix it. The boy will get over whatever is bothering him eventually.' John stated, letting the subject drop.

In that moment, Dean wished more than anything that he could believe in his father's words.

Sam left a 4 letter suicide note.

It read: "I love you both."

* * *

 **This is the final part of the Unloved mini series. I wanted it to be just on Dean's perspective.**

 **Now that I'm thinking about it, most of my fics are written through Dean's POV. I guess I just like seeing Dean's over-protective, big brother reaction out of situations that involve Sam.**

 **Anyways, tell me what you think of this fic and if I should write others like this one. As I mentioned before, I'm realizing that most of my fics are pretty dark in nature (basically I'm killing Sam or Dean or both in all of them) and I'm wondering if you guys want more fics like these or if you want the boys in different situations. If you do, don't be afraid of telling so I can start cooking something up for y'all.**

 **See you next time!**


End file.
